Ask Sue Knight

Hello, Sue, I have read your books - many thanks for writing them. I am interested in the area of Representational Systems - language: visual etc. Do you havve any ideas how this can be applied to telephone behaviour? When someone telephones and is angry: How can NLP affect the mood change of the person who is angry - given that body language is not visible. Hope you can help.

Regards,
Patrick

Dear Patrick, thank you for your question. It is one that I am often asked as most people think of body language only as something that can be observed BUT it can also be heard. So for example the way that we speak e.g. the tone, the volume, the pacing, the pitch, the fluency, the tone, etc.... are all forms of body language and can indicate the representational system that is in the fore (remember always to check this with each person though as to what is characteristic for them). So for example a high tone and fast pace can indicate a visual representational system whereas a slower pace and resonant low tone might be more likely to be characteristic of a preference for feelings. There are explanations of this in my book NLP at Work in the first few chapters. And how we can deal with someone who is angry might be (and I say might be as you need to get feedback to find out what works at the time) could be to pace the strength of their anger without literally matching it and that might also include pacing their volume or pitch and some of the words and when you feel that you have connected with them leading the conversation to a different tone and pace that is more in line with where you want the conversation to be. That way you are signalling that you are listening to them and their emotions with your whole body. I hope that answers your question.

Very sincerely,

Sue Knight