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NLP - are we walking the talk?

By Sue Knight

Ever since I first really began to understand what NLP was all about my interest lay in promoting its concepts into the business world. This was almost 12 years ago now and it has been amazing to see how the term and the thinking that is NLP has mushroomed in day to day business practice. It is almost certain that any consultant worth his or her salt will be using NLP to some degree in the way that they work. Any leading edge business book will include some of the discoveries that have resulted from the process of modelling with NLP. Business leaders who are recognised as being those who have the excellence that acts as a model for others naturally have the skills of modelling. NLP really is about what works. So I am dismayed when I hear of tales of NLP coming into disrepute. I have sometimes been asked into companies who have almost been deterred from exploring NLP further than an introduction they have had because of the way it was promoted. That is a shame as any of us who are presenting ourselves as NLP Practitioners and beyond need to be examples of what we are presenting to our clients.

The conflicts and the gossip that has been rife over the last few years associated with the copyright issue have now been resolved thanks to the proactive actions of Tony Clarkson. One could of course say that any publicity is good publicity but I don't agree. If we can't get our act together in the NLP community where we are supposed to be masters of sensitivity and flexibility then where is it possible? I admired Tony for his actions not because I did not sympathise with Richard Bandler but because he was prepared to act positively in line with his beliefs. I hope that those of you who subscribe to values of choice and freedom have supported Tony in his actions. Leadership is about courage but leaders need a supportive community to enable them to continue to step out for what they believe. I am not sure that Tony has had this to the extent that I think he deserves it.

I think there are some simple principles that we can follow if we want to continue to promote the good name of NLP. These principles apply to the way that we deal with each other within the NLP community as well as the way that we model what we promote to potential newcomers.

Quite simply I suggest that....

  • We look for ways in which we can collaborate with each other. Despite its popularity I believe we have barely scratched the surface of the potential business applications of NLP. There is more than enough work for everyone. We should be actively pursuing partnerships and co-operative working practices if we are not doing so already.
  • We look for ways in which we can support each other and particularly any stand for humanistic values. I am relieved to see the messages that are being put out by the business world as to what they will and will not tolerate. Only this week the head of Marks & Spencer - a reputed tyrant in his management style - was deposed well in advance of his scheduled retirement.
  • We apply what we preach to ourselves first and foremost. For others to want to be drawn to what NLP has to offer we need to be attractive examples of what it does for us personally. I have so often heard of the enthusiastic newcomer to NLP (and I have been there) practising on all and sundry without permission. Fortunately I have a husband who gives me honest and frank feedback even if sometimes in those early days it would be in the form of a light kick under the dinner table!
  • We accept that some people have different views and styles. I was astonished at one of my sessions at an ANLP conference when there was a sharp intake of breath and quiet murmurings when a delegate expressed anti-NLP feelings. NLP is above all an attitude of curiosity and discovery. Many businesses are recognising that they need to learn to value diversity. We, in the NLP community can lead the way.
  • We respect the feelings and the culture into which we have been invited. This often means leaving the jargon behind and using everyday language with which our listener can identify
  • We accept that the feedback we get, in whatever form it takes, and however it is given, and no matter whether we feel it is justified or not, is feedback to how we are being, and as such is a constant source of learning
  • We practice the principles of what we promote at all times and not just in the client's office. It is often the receptionist who has the final say as to who the company chooses to work with! This however is not the reason for being congruent at all times. If you are not congruent with all the principles then it is better to be honest about it. I once worked with a multinational team and we were exploring how the managers in the team could demonstrate more listening skills. I had given some feedback to the German manager as to how he might show that he was listening to what one of his colleagues had to say. He turned to me and steadily and clearly looked me straight in the eye and said 'I don't want to listen to them - I want them to listen to me!' He was a congruent example of the truth!
  • Some of the NLP practices can seem threatening to someone to whom they are unfamiliar. One manager who had been looking for someone to introduce NLP to their company described someone who having explained the concept of eye accessing clues felt that every eye movement they made was being scrutinised. They did not invite this NLP practitioner back!
  • We need to remember that a goal is only likely to be sustainable over time if it is a true WIN/WIN for our peers in the market place, for our families, for our friends and for ourselves. Check out the effect you are having on the key people in your life. Are they happy with how you are developing? Check out your marketing - is it co-operative or is it competitive?
  • And last but not least - NLP is about being human. One member of the audience we had on one of our open afternoons came up to me after I had admitted to losing my temper with one of my sons and expressed his amazement that I did not have my state under permanent control! Well it is feedback.

My publisher told me recently that it is more difficult to get NLP accepted into the business world in the US than almost anywhere else. And the reason? NLP does not have a good name in many businesses in the US nor is it well known. Is this the case? I don't know, but whether in this country or abroad, we can be sure that we pave the way for others to discover the wealth of personal and business potential that can be released through NLP in ways that no other concept that I know can. Let's be sure we walk the talk in such a way that others do indeed want to follow.

 

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