NLP - are we
walking the talk?
By Sue
Knight
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Ever since I first really began to
understand what NLP was all about my interest lay in
promoting its concepts into the business world. This was
almost 12 years ago now and it has been amazing to see how
the term and the thinking that is NLP has mushroomed in day
to day business practice. It is almost certain that any
consultant worth his or her salt will be using NLP to some
degree in the way that they work. Any leading edge business
book will include some of the discoveries that have resulted
from the process of modelling with NLP. Business leaders who
are recognised as being those who have the excellence that
acts as a model for others naturally have the skills of
modelling. NLP really is about what works. So I am dismayed
when I hear of tales of NLP coming into disrepute. I have
sometimes been asked into companies who have almost been
deterred from exploring NLP further than an introduction
they have had because of the way it was promoted. That is a
shame as any of us who are presenting ourselves as NLP
Practitioners and beyond need to be examples of what we are
presenting to our clients.
The conflicts and the gossip that has
been rife over the last few years associated with the
copyright issue have now been resolved thanks to the
proactive actions of Tony Clarkson. One could of course say
that any publicity is good publicity but I don't agree. If
we can't get our act together in the NLP community where we
are supposed to be masters of sensitivity and flexibility
then where is it possible? I admired Tony for his actions
not because I did not sympathise with Richard Bandler but
because he was prepared to act positively in line with his
beliefs. I hope that those of you who subscribe to values of
choice and freedom have supported Tony in his actions.
Leadership is about courage but leaders need a supportive
community to enable them to continue to step out for what
they believe. I am not sure that Tony has had this to the
extent that I think he deserves it.
I think there are some simple
principles that we can follow if we want to continue to
promote the good name of NLP. These principles apply to the
way that we deal with each other within the NLP community as
well as the way that we model what we promote to potential
newcomers.
Quite simply I suggest that....
- We look for ways in which we can
collaborate with each other. Despite its popularity I
believe we have barely scratched the surface of the
potential business applications of NLP. There is more
than enough work for everyone. We should be actively
pursuing partnerships and co-operative working practices
if we are not doing so already.
- We look for ways in which we can
support each other and particularly any stand for
humanistic values. I am relieved to see the messages that
are being put out by the business world as to what they
will and will not tolerate. Only this week the head of
Marks & Spencer - a reputed tyrant in his management
style - was deposed well in advance of his scheduled
retirement.
- We apply what we preach to
ourselves first and foremost. For others to want to be
drawn to what NLP has to offer we need to be attractive
examples of what it does for us personally. I have so
often heard of the enthusiastic newcomer to NLP (and I
have been there) practising on all and sundry without
permission. Fortunately I have a husband who gives me
honest and frank feedback even if sometimes in those
early days it would be in the form of a light kick under
the dinner table!
- We accept that some people have
different views and styles. I was astonished at one of my
sessions at an ANLP conference when there was a sharp
intake of breath and quiet murmurings when a delegate
expressed anti-NLP feelings. NLP is above all an attitude
of curiosity and discovery. Many businesses are
recognising that they need to learn to value diversity.
We, in the NLP community can lead the way.
- We respect the feelings and the
culture into which we have been invited. This often means
leaving the jargon behind and using everyday language
with which our listener can identify
- We accept that the feedback we
get, in whatever form it takes, and however it is given,
and no matter whether we feel it is justified or not, is
feedback to how we are being, and as such is a constant
source of learning
- We practice the principles of what
we promote at all times and not just in the client's
office. It is often the receptionist who has the final
say as to who the company chooses to work with! This
however is not the reason for being congruent at all
times. If you are not congruent with all the principles
then it is better to be honest about it. I once worked
with a multinational team and we were exploring how the
managers in the team could demonstrate more listening
skills. I had given some feedback to the German manager
as to how he might show that he was listening to what one
of his colleagues had to say. He turned to me and
steadily and clearly looked me straight in the eye and
said 'I don't want to listen to them - I want them to
listen to me!' He was a congruent example of the
truth!
- Some of the NLP practices can seem
threatening to someone to whom they are unfamiliar. One
manager who had been looking for someone to introduce NLP
to their company described someone who having explained
the concept of eye accessing clues felt that every eye
movement they made was being scrutinised. They did not
invite this NLP practitioner back!
- We need to remember that a goal is
only likely to be sustainable over time if it is a true
WIN/WIN for our peers in the market place, for our
families, for our friends and for ourselves. Check out
the effect you are having on the key people in your life.
Are they happy with how you are developing? Check out
your marketing - is it co-operative or is it
competitive?
- And last but not least - NLP is
about being human. One member of the audience we had on
one of our open afternoons came up to me after I had
admitted to losing my temper with one of my sons and
expressed his amazement that I did not have my state
under permanent control! Well it is feedback.
My publisher told me recently that it
is more difficult to get NLP accepted into the business
world in the US than almost anywhere else. And the reason?
NLP does not have a good name in many businesses in the US
nor is it well known. Is this the case? I don't know, but
whether in this country or abroad, we can be sure that we
pave the way for others to discover the wealth of personal
and business potential that can be released through NLP in
ways that no other concept that I know can. Let's be sure we
walk the talk in such a way that others do indeed want to
follow.
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