February 2011
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Give and Take

Cars to the left of me, cars to the right. Cars coming at me, cars overtaking from behind.

Any hour taffic

Three Lanes Merging into Two

“You drive on the same side in the UK?” my Indian friend questioned as if that made driving here in India OK!

As far as I can tell there is not much keeping to sides here in India at all. Rear view and side mirrors are redundant. All signalling is done with the horn (and an occasional passing gesture!). Then there are the craters in the road. Concentration is key. I swear that some of the drivers drive by intuition. To do most things here in India requires you to be fully present and sensitive to all and every bit of feedback all the time. Yes ALL the time. So where better to bring delegates to raise their game with their ability to give and receive feedback than India? And in India it is an art form.

They do know what really makes the difference —
you want to know? Read on…

On my way home

She notices the light ahead at the side of the road. It is dark. Very dark with a calypso crescent moon as their guide, high, way up high in the sky above the Arabian Sea. The swaying palm trees protecting the road as his Moto continues on its journey to the village. Frequently slowing down to navigate the many potholes. Almost stopping completely at times to push a way through the sand. People stand in hedges along the route and watch her go by. A blonde European in the back of the colourful vehicle. Men sit on the coastal wall. Some standing. Looking. Waiting. Some talking. Many just being. A rustle in the hedge, A spangled sari apparition. Two young women step out of their front door. In three steps they are at the side of the road. Bejewelled and sparkling they light up the path ahead of them. A party awaits. Their glamour contrasts with their surroundings. How does such beauty come out of a house like that? A house like that. She thinks. What does that mean? No western department stores for them. No make over programmes. No planning permission. No extensions. Their house is their house. Their beauty is their beauty. They just are.…Keep reading

Standing on the Shoulders of Giants

“The proper rewards are not simply tacked onto the activity for which they are given, but are the activity itself in consummation”.

The Weight of Glory by C.S. Lewis

The world is a looking-glass, and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face. Frown at it, and it will in turn look sourly upon you; laugh at it and with it, and it is a jolly kind companion…

Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray

Meet my “Guru”

It is over 20 years since I first thought,

“Wow — what an amazing way this man works with a group”, and unconsciously I thought,

“I want to do that. I want to be able to work alongside him”.

Gene EarlyThat was a long time ago on my very first NLP Training. The man was Gene Early and we work together now. I owe most of what I do and the way that I do it to Gene. He taught me with great patience how to model my current experience and use that as the structure for the training. He showed me how to connect with the deepest truth of who I am and how to share that with others. And most of all he taught me about commitment through the example of his commitment to God, to his family and to Spence and I.

If you want to experience how we work and in particular how we structure commitment and truth then join us on these 2 days which will inevitably be a journey of disarming learning for all of us. I cannot tell you what the agenda will be .. it will emerge at the time .. that is how we work. If you want to learn to work in this way then be there at Bix Manor on March 24th and 25th. We will welcome you there.

Other Dates for your Diary

Talks

March 16th 6pm—9pm Leeds. W Yorkshire Association for Coaching Coaching with Humour
contact Lynda Freeman

March 31st 6pm—9pm Edinburgh Association for Coaching Coaching with Humour
contact Hayley Phipps

May 5th 4pm—6pm London. And not exactly a talk but a fishbowl coaching session
contact Anne Scoular

May 10th 6pm—9pm Haywards Heath. Coaching with Humour
contact Gail Lineham

October 20th Belgium Key Note Speaker - NLP at Work how NLP has changed life for people at work.
Contact eric@athor.be

You can still subscribe to hear my telesummit with Diane Lowther and many other names in NLP. And a new one I recorded in January for Gemma Bailey of People Building

For the UK, France, Australia, India, New Zealand see all the dates here

And if you're in India

RameshOur colleague Ramesh Prasad of Onefluencer is holding 2-day NLP Foundation Worshops in:

Chennai, starting the first Saturday in every month

Bengaluru, starting the second Saturday in every month

Hyderabad, starting the third Saturday in alternate months, March, May, July, …

Notes from a Small Island
by Steve Adamson

In the opening pages to a book I'm reading at the moment are a few quotations from folk much wiser than me. The following struck a chord:

“There will be a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning. Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: If you're alive, it isn't”.

I have come away from India with a much clearer sense of my contribution, who I want to spend time with, and where I want to place my attention…Keep reading

India Rests In Me
by Liz Nottingham

I pinch myself.

I am in India.

As I rest on a tiny part of mother earth,
India is my teacher.

I see beauty, kindness and colour.

I feel generosity, peace and love.

I hear laughter, gentleness and nature.

They are all in me.
They settle as the days go by.

Time has no meaning, now.

I flow with India.

I soften. I grow. I flex. I stretch.

Less is more.

I am a beautiful pink flower.
The lotus flower competition has ended.

I laugh. I accept. I say yes.

I pinch myself.

India now rests in me.

Kerala January 2011

NLP T shirts

Every year we visit and support the SOS childrens home in Kerala. The work that they are doing there is remarkable. The grace and charm of the children is moving and the success that they achieve is outstanding…

One of my delegates on the January Intensive in Kerala is supporting SOS in this creative way. Please support her but more significantly the children of SOS.

Hello,

I have set up an ecommerce website selling NLP merchandise. All of the proceeds will be donated to the SOS charity in Kerala, India. I so appreciate all of your support on this. Having visited the orphanage I know the money is going to a very worthy cause. I would also appreciate anyone’s input to the designs – do let me know if there is anything specific you would like me to design for you i.e a quote or saying you would like printed on a t-shirt etc.

That lousy tee shirt

Many thanks for all your help and support. Click here to goto my website.

Camilla,

Oh Osho

A woman is worried about her son. She takes him to the local clinic for a check up — a sort of psychometric test. Am I really hearing this in the middle of the meditation? The nurse puts three things on the table, a hammer, a pencil and a screwdriver still this slow Indian voice — very soothing.
“We will watch your son” says the nurse.
“If he grabs the hammer he will be a builder”, (don’t you just love the Indian absolutes!),
“If he grabs the pencil he will be an artist. If grabs the screwdriver he will be an electrician”.
Long meditative pause… I wait for the words of wisdom.
“He grabs the nurse!!”

Osho

Quoted in my blog

Real Feedback…
…the difference that makes the difference

“Would you like to train to be a Kalari fighter”?

Kindle - NLP at Work

I looked over my shoulder to see to whom this young man (the one on the left in the picture above) was addressing the question. There was no one else, he was asking me!

“I think I would be one of the oldest people in the Kalari training in all time”, I laughed.

Completely unfazed by my dismissive response he replied,

“Age is not a number it is a state…Keep reading

I love my Kindle

You would think I was on commission for them. I wish I was..

Reasons to have an Amazon Kindle e reader

  • Yes you carry and travel with thousands of books on one little device
  • Yes you can carry it in your handbag.. sorry guys or maybe not!
  • Yes the battery can last for up to a month
  • Yes you can read it in daylight and the screen is much less harmful to the eyes than an Ipad for example
  • Yes you can annotate books and earmark pages and make notes in the margins effectively
  • Yes you can highlight and share passages to Twitter, Linkedin and Facebook
  • Yes you can get a cover with a light so you can read it in bed
  • Yes you can instantly access the built-in Oxford dictionary
  • Yes you can … well you name it. AND

Kindle - NLP at Work

  • BIG YES you can get my book NLP at Work on it and you can search for any term on that or any other book for that matter…

And here is where you can get one.

Change on a World Scale

India land of colours, fragrances, passion, faith, dust, heat, deserts, coconut palms, remarkable learning, dance, yoga, and rubbish!! Wherever you go in India the streets are lined with rubbish some much worse than others. The railway tracks approaching the main cities are heaped with waste. I have continually wondered what would have to be true for this to change assuming that the Indian people want change. When we took some of our Indian friends to France the first thing they said was “It is so clean!”. So walking with one of my Indian colleagues I was shocked …Keep reading

My photos

Some of you have been following me on facebook, twitter and linkedin. In particular I have had some great comments about my photo journal of India. I have my favourites and this is one

Girl with a Blue Face

Feedback Past Present and Future
Where you put your attention is what you get…

Think of some feedback that you have given to someone in the last few days or weeks. Remember what you said, and how you said it. What tense did you use? For example did you say?

“John I noticed that you have been doing X”.

So recall now what you said and did. It is very likely that you will have used Past Tense, Big Chunk (abstract description) and Problem State (what you want the person to change or what they did wrong) and finally it is likely that the feedback was in terms of activity, i.e what the person did and what you want them to do.This is usual even if not most effective. It is a habit for most people to give feedback in this way. For example,

“John I noticed that you were a bit aggressive in the way that you responded to Helen in the meeting today. I’d like you to tone it down a bit and listen more carefully in future.”

Now what if you were to give the feedback in the present tense and small chunk (i.e. very specific observations). For example ,

“John I really like the way that you are giving me time and space to share my ideas today”.

Think about this — what is presupposed for you to give feedback in this way. It is present tense which presupposes that you are waiting for someone to do something well and remark on it. Remember ‘The One Minute Manager’ — Catch your people do something right and congratulate them. The emphasis is different. The effect is different. It presupposes you are on the look out for talent and giving it specifically implies that there is no judgement just observations. This supports the Belief of Excellence that there is no Failure only Feedback and Learning. By giving specific observations that are obvious you also create a ‘Yes’ state and that presumably is what you want. And given the other article about feedback I presuppose that you are holding a vision for this person in your mind as you give the feedback. You give it with an outcome for them in mind and not as way of getting some frustration off your chest.

And how might it be if you were then to follow that up with

“Where I would encourage you to put your attention in the future is on the space you can give even more people in the meeting.”

Try it and find out. And then, you can send me some feedback…
Sue